My name is Paige, and I’m in my 40s now, with a lovely wife and two young boys. I moved around a lot as a child across New South Wales and Victoria and had many foster homes before living independently at 16.
While my time in out-of-home care was not ideal, it was better than home and I am grateful to have learned enough to get to where I am today. And it was many people who got me here today… not least of all me.
Paige’s experiences of stigma
Being in care came with a heavy stigma—one that suggested I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I was a troublemaker. I describe it as feeling like you are on a train that you can’t get off and the train is destined to stop at certain stations (life experiences) whether you like it or not. The expectation was that kids like me were inherently unstable, which, in my case, wasn’t true. As the eldest in my family, I was probably the most stable one.
The other part to the stigma that I found really disappointing and also made me vulnerable to harm, was the way adults would turn their backs on me, not listen, and label me without ever trying to understand.
For a long time, I carried the weight of others’ perceptions. But their doubts motivated me to prove them wrong.
I can’t say that it didn’t take its toll though… So by my mid-20s, I started therapy to unpack my childhood traumas and truly understand myself.
Learnings and advice for rising above stigma
The best advice I can give to a young person in care experiencing stigma goes something like this… You are not the sum total of your experiences. You are a person who is unique and special even though you will not understand this fully until you are older.
Surround yourself with people who see the real you and don’t judge you.
“Bravery starts from vulnerability.”
Speaking to a counsellor or psychologist is not weak — it is a sign of courage. I strongly recommend anyone who has faced trauma, or who’s struggling, to seek professional help as it’s something I wished I started sooner.
It’s also important to think of the future and how one day you will find yourself an adult and making decisions about your own life.
“You will find your feet, I promise.”
As a child in out-of-home care, you are the best person to speak to your needs, wants and desires. Keep talking till someone listens.
“Speak up for yourself. You are your best advocate.”
Know yourself. Take time to understand who you are and who you want to be because then, and only then, can you correct the assumptions and end the stigma for yourself by standing in the face of it and showing people that you are more than what they think you are or should be.
Finally, practice self-care and acknowledge your feelings. Whether it’s staring at the sky, taking a warm bath, playing sport, listening to music, making your favourite dinner, cuddling your best friend or speaking to a counsellor – be kind to yourself and listen to your inner voice.
Improving the child protection system
Every child in care deserves stability and for their care placement to feel like a home. This goes hand in hand with listening to children and ensuring their voices do not become lost in the system.
I believe we should be creating safer spaces for parents to self-refer and get intensive supports, earlier on. Parents should also be well-informed and understand what is expected so that families can stay together or work to be reunified down the track.
From my experiences as a kinship carer and what I have seen, kinship placements should be prioritised in the out-of-home care system.
There are other changes I’d like to see but these are a few that would go a long way to helping children growing up in care.
Paige’s commitment to helping children
“I am not every child with lived experience and they are not me. But I am also every child with lived experience and they are me.”
As soon as I did the therapy and work I needed to understand what happened to me, I knew my life’s goal was to put myself in places and positions to help kids as best I can. To that end, I speak my truth and share my story. I studied part-time for 8.5 years whilst working full-time, and when I was finished, I left a well-paid career to be a junior entry level lawyer in the children’s law space.
I chose law because every time a child intersects with the law, it is not positive and so many children with lived experience in child protection intersect with the law… whether it is in the family court because of relationship breakdowns between parents, the children’s court on the family division with child protection intervention, or the criminal law division where some children in out-of-home care learn from experience and make mistakes (experience is a hard teacher it gives the test before the lesson).
My own lawyer was the first person to help me understand what was happening to me and encouraged me to use my voice.
The future is bright
When I decided to help kids, it came from a place of wanting to end the intergenerational trauma with me.
In the next five years, I want to learn as much as I can, lend my voice, experiences and energy to every conversation, court appearance, and project, ensuring I can to help as many kids as I can.
This is only part of my story but I hope it helps someone to hear it.
You will be ok, just wake up every day.
